{"id":13009,"date":"2018-11-30T17:00:55","date_gmt":"2018-11-30T17:00:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.tmc.edu\/news\/arent-holidays-supposed-to-make-us-happy\/"},"modified":"2019-08-16T15:04:41","modified_gmt":"2019-08-16T15:04:41","slug":"arent-holidays-supposed-to-make-us-happy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.tmc.edu\/news\/2018\/11\/arent-holidays-supposed-to-make-us-happy\/","title":{"rendered":"Aren’t holidays supposed to make us happy?"},"content":{"rendered":"

With Thanksgiving and a tumultuous election season<\/a> behind us, people are gearing up to spend the December holidays with family and friends. But these seemingly joyous occasions can be fraught with tension and hostility thanks to unmanaged expectations, finances<\/a>, social media and more.<\/p>\n

The holidays stress our emotional health in a lot of ways, especially if you go into them already struggling with self-esteem, self-worth or feeling unloved, said John O\u2019Neill, a licensed clinical social worker and clinical director of The Menninger Clinic<\/a>\u2019s outpatient services.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s a time when you can feel intense happiness or incredible loneliness and despair,\u201d O\u2019Neill added.<\/p>\n

Moods can dip<\/h4>\n

Many of us look forward to the holidays all year\u2014gathering recipes, buying gifts, planning decorations. But as the holidays creep closer, our moods can dip.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think sometimes people feel sad as the holidays near and they are not even realizing why,\u201d said Barbi Topek, a licensed clinical social worker at Menninger. \u201cIt\u2019s a happy time of year, I\u2019m walking through the stores and everyone is smiling and saying \u2018Merry Christmas\u2019 or \u2018Happy Holidays,\u2019 and you just might not be feeling it and that\u2019s OK. But, you need to take a look and figure out what is going on.\u201d<\/p>\n

As the days grow shorter and hours with sunlight decrease, Seasonal Affective Disorder<\/a> (SAD) can put a damper on year-end festivities. SAD is a mood disorder that is often treated with light therapy.<\/p>\n

The \u201choliday blues\u201d occur near the end of the year, as well.<\/p>\n

\u201cThe holiday blues occur during the holiday months … usually October to January,\u201d said Asim Shah, M.D., professor and executive vice chair in the Menninger Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences at Baylor College of Medicine. \u201cPeople start feeling fatigue, irritability, lack of interest in activity, they have appetite problems … depressive symptoms.\u201d<\/p>\n

Root of holiday stress<\/h4>\n

Unmet expectations are the root of most holiday stress, O\u2019Neill and Topek said.<\/p>\n

\u201cBeing reasonable with your expectations is critical. Don\u2019t expect that things are going to go perfect, because they are not,\u201d O\u2019Neill said.<\/p>\n

Expectations can be wrapped around multiple issues including family history and family dynamics.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou think things are just going to be terrific and great and anything from the past will just be forgotten,\u201d Topek said. \u201cMake your expectations realistic. Nothing is going to go 100 percent and you need to let go a little bit.\u201d<\/p>\n

Family gatherings have the potential to bring up long-buried feelings.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor the holidays, I tell patients you will see people you may not see for the rest of the year and it might be a person you don\u2019t necessarily like,\u201d Shah said. \u201cRemember that it is just a short time that you have to see them. Secondly, I tell them to have as much patience as possible, try to be a good listener and maybe take a timeout if someone is stressing you out too much.\u201d<\/p>\n

Finances and travel<\/h4>\n

Gifts can be an additional source of tension.<\/p>\n

\u201cFinancial stress during the holidays is real and people feeling like they have to keep up with other people. We overextend ourselves,\u201d O\u2019Neill said. \u201cHave some sort of budget that is agreed upon by the couple or partners so you don\u2019t find yourself overspending. … You need to ask yourself: \u2018Can I really afford this? Am I going to go into January owing thousands of dollars?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

The holidays also go hand-in-hand with travel, sometimes long-distance travel if you have loved ones far away.<\/p>\n

\u201cA new couple is always trying to figure out, \u2018Where are we going for the holidays? Are we going to my parents\u2019 house or yours?\u2019\u201d O\u2019Neill said, \u201cThere can be a lot of stress just around organizing what you are going to do.\u201d<\/p>\n

In the age of Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, individuals are often trying to one-up each other, as well, which can create stress and disappointment.<\/p>\n

\u201cSocial media, cooking shows and home shows build up expectations for the holidays and it is really important to ask if you can be accepting of yourself,\u201d Topek said. \u201cThinking that you have to have the perfect meal and the perfect decorations will cause stress.\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead, she said, know what you are good at and what you enjoy, and participate in the holidays in ways that will buoy your spirits. Don\u2019t try to do everything.<\/p>\n

In terms of conversation, setting some holiday rules can be very helpful for eliminating drama around the table or elsewhere during the season.<\/p>\n

\u201cI think there should be some pretty strong rules for what you talk about and what you won\u2019t talk about,\u201d O\u2019Neill said. \u201cThere are topics that are off limits. It\u2019s amazing what happens when someone starts talking and you don\u2019t engage.\u201d<\/p>\n

Check in with your therapist<\/h4>\n

Whether the holidays mean facing your critical mother or engaging with a sibling who has teased you since birth, Topek recommends checking in with your therapist ahead of time, if you have one.<\/p>\n

\u201cComing in to see a mental health practitioner or therapist before the holidays, it\u2019s like getting a vaccination before you head into a place that might cause you more turmoil or sickness,\u201d Topek said.<\/p>\n

Otherwise, make a plan.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have to go into the holidays with a plan,\u201d O\u2019Neill said. \u201cHow long are we going to stay there? When do we know it\u2019s time to go?\u201d<\/p>\n

And find the time to do the things that lift your spirits during the rest of the year, he added.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe constantly say, \u2018Oh, I don\u2019t have time for that,\u2019\u201d O\u2019Neill said. \u201cBut you have to make time. Make time for working out, make time for your romantic relationship, make time for your kids. Find that balance.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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