Seven Steps to Peace on Earth ...
or at Least Peace Within

No, it isn’t your imagination – holiday stress has arrived sooner this year. With six fewer shopping days between Thanksgiving and Christmas, retailers began hawking holiday wares well before Halloween in hopes of eking profits from a soft economy.

Commercial onslaughts aside, many Americans may enter the 2002 holiday season with collective fears heightened by tragedy-obsessed media, shaky stock markets and looming international confrontations. To help achieve success over stress during the holidays, the staff at the Memorial Hermann’s Mind/Body Medical Institute offers seven practical tips on how not only to survive the season, but connect with the joy and meaning inherent in holiday traditions.

Prioritize what’s important

Begin planning exactly how you want to celebrate, says Susie Barone, the institute’s director. Ask family members what traditions they love most about the holidays – and which they are willing to give up or live without. Their answers, she says, may surprise you.

Then, make a list outlining how you will celebrate what’s important to you and your family. Give yourself permission to say “no” to other offers or external expectations that conflict with your priorities.

“You can say no and still be positive,” Barone says. “Let go of the guilt and offer alternatives to others, such as ‘No, we won’t be able to visit you on Thanksgiving Day, but we’d love to spend time with you on the weekend.’ Don’t be afraid to set boundaries and then stick to them.”

Balance perfection and reality

Imagine the perfect holiday for you, then accept what parts of that vision may be unrealistic ideals, says Shirley Chambers, a Memorial Hermann Mind/Body Institute education specialist.

“Those homemade sugar cookies you thought your family couldn’t live without may not be as important as you think,” Chambers says. “They may tell you they would prefer store-bought cookies, less commotion in the kitchen and more time to relax and visit. Relationships are what often stand out at the core of people’s ideal vision of the holidays, rather than the gifts and decorative trappings,” she says. “Unfortunately, most of us carry a lifetime’s worth of television and movie images of the perfect gathering in our heads. When these high expectations go unmet, that’s when stress and unspoken anger and resentment rush in. Fight perfectionism. Don’t let anxiety about not pulling off a perfect holiday season distress you.”

Scale down card and gift lists

At the heart of most holiday traditions, the sentiment is one of humble simplicity, hope, peace and miracles in times of chaos and crisis, Barone says.

“It’s not about having the biggest parties and best gifts; it’s not even about contacting or visiting friends and family. When sending cards and giving gifts feel like responsibilities rather than joys, it’s time to reexamine if those are traditions you want to continue,” she says.

Barone encourages setting financial limits on gifts, suggesting lunch or an outing together as alternatives to gift exchanges or making charitable contributions in the names of friends and family instead of giving a tangible gift.

“Most people are happy to call a truce on exchanging holiday gifts and instead, just spend time together,” she says. “Once you have made a gift-giving agreement with a friend or relative, don’t feel guilty or obligated if the other person goes ahead and buys you a gift anyway. Simply thank them for the gift and accept that they decided not to honor your agreement. Your example can go a long way to changing the focus of holiday giving.”

Continue to eat healthy

“December is not a great time to start a weight management program,” Chambers says. “Nevertheless, try to eat a healthy variety of foods to avoid living on holiday sweets. No one can live on eggnog and cookies for six weeks. It is important to continue your regular exercise program to not only maintain health but also to reduce stress.”

Additionally, Chambers suggests eating small frequent meals – five to six mini meals each day. Skipping meals can reduce energy levels. A light snack before holiday events will curb the cravings for unhealthy party food. Scan party tables for foods that provide the most nutrition for the least calories – fresh fruit, salads, vegetable trays, pretzels, or turkey. Eat smaller portions of higher calorie treats. It is important to continue to enjoy special occasion foods – but remember that a few bites eaten in a mindful manner can bring as much pleasure as an entire plate eaten quickly and without focus.

Reflect on reflection

Barone says for many people, significant events such as holidays are a trigger for reflection, which can provoke a need correct the past.

“Some people conclude that the best gift they could have during the holidays is forgiveness or reconciliation, or some type of change in a relationship,” she says. “One of the most common holiday stresses is the fear that one party is ready for this and one is not ready or does not want the change. If you haven’t spoken to your mother in 20 years and decide, ‘This Christmas I’m going to reconnect,’ be prepared that the response may not be what you want. That person may not be ready.”

Ask yourself, “Why now? If it’s so important, why wait until the holiday?” Barone says think carefully about what is it you want to happen and why are you waiting. Think about how that other person going to feel – is this the right time and environment? Timing is everything and the holidays may or may not be the right time to reconcile with one’s past.

Allow yourself to grieve losses

Often the holidays trigger reflection about loss of loved ones, particularly if a death has occurred since the last holiday celebration

“Allow yourself to grieve, and be kind to yourself,” Barone says. “If you don’t want to celebrate, make it simple this time around. Consider celebrating with family on a different day, without putting yourself in the position of ‘It’s the first day of Hanukkah and Dad’s not here with us.’ Ask yourself what you need, not what others need. Everyone has his or her own timeline as far as grief is concerned. The first holiday is going to be the toughest. In many cultures there is a built in one-year grieving period. If successive holidays begin to take on a pattern of grief, seek professional counseling.”

Connect with spirituality

“Often we think of the holidays as a time to be spiritual, when we are in fact, spiritual beings year-round,” Barone says. “During the holidays, our spirits are often moved to connect with our innate spirituality. The challenge is to create a time and space, perhaps five or ten minutes each day, where we can be still and calm enough to listen and ask ourselves, ‘What is happening in my life? What do I need to listen to? Who am I nourishing? Myself, or the wishes of others?’ By recognizing the ‘voice’ within us we are able to facilitate an opportunity to pursue our spirituality – not in terms of a particular belief system, but in terms of what is happening in our lives that we need to renew and reconnect with in order to find the joy and happiness we seek. In any tradition, practicing that stillness is a gift we give ourselves that can bring a lifetime of joy.”

E-Mail: tmcinfo@texmedctr.tmc.edu
URL: http://www.tmc.edu/tmcnews/11_15_02/page_17.html