Helping Kids Cope With Divorce

Although divorce is common in our society, it is still a difficult, life-changing experience for everyone involved.

My family and I journeyed down this road several years ago. And while there have been painful times, we have also learned a lot about ourselves and each other.

I discovered from research on families that how parents act toward the children, the ex-spouse and themselves is the most important factor affecting kids. I also found out that I can help my children adjust and flourish if I am consistently positive about them, their dad and myself. Research shows that kids who fare the worst are those who are exposed to the most conflict and who have economic hardships.

As a psychologist and a mother, I would like to offer a few guidelines that both parents can follow to help their children cope with divorce.

• Communicate directly with the other parent; don't use your kids as a go-between.
• Never fight with your ex or say anything negative to or about the other parent when your child is within hearing distance.
• Let your children talk about the other parent, but don't question them about your ex's life.
• Don't make kids choose between parents or homes.
• Deal with problems, disciplinary issues and other crises when they happen. Avoiding them will just make them worse and harder to resolve when you have to address them.
• As household rules change to reflect your growing kids' ages, discuss the new rules with your ex-spouse and communicate them to your children.
• Make every effort to keep promises made to your kids. Divorces are as different as the marriages that precede them. If you find yourself on this road, I hope that it can be an opportunity for personal and family growth.

---

©2006 Texas Medical Center

---

E-Mail: tmcinfo@texmedctr.tmc.edu
URL: http://www.tmc.edu/tmcnews/06_01_00/page_17.html